The holiday season, often filled with joy and togetherness, can become a profoundly painful time for those grieving the loss of a loved one. Whether through death or divorce, the absence of someone who was once integral to your life can turn celebrations into stark reminders of what (and who) is missing. It’s not just about the loss of their physical presence, but the deep ache of no longer being able to share in moments, traditions, or simple joys. The grief may come in waves—some moments bearable, others overwhelming—and during the holidays, the pain may be more acute.
Ambiguous loss occurs when the object of grief is physically present but emotionally or psychologically absent. In the case of a toxic parent, you might still see them, talk to them, or interact with them, but the connection is fraught with pain, disappointment, and unmet needs. This type of loss can be harder to process because it lacks the clear markers of finality that come with death. There is no funeral, no public acknowledgment of your pain, and often no support system to help you navigate the complex emotions you're experiencing.
For those who have lost someone through death, the holidays can be filled with memories, some bittersweet, others too painful to face. The empty chair at the dinner table, the silence where their laughter once filled the room, or even the little traditions that now feel hollow can serve as constant reminders of their absence. The season can feel unfair, as you watch others celebrate and enjoy time with their families, while you are left to navigate the void.
For those grieving after a divorce, the holidays can be just as painful. It may be the first holiday season after the separation, and it’s easy to feel torn between old routines and trying to establish new ones. There’s grief in knowing that the life you once envisioned is no longer a reality. This grief, although different from death, can be equally profound—mourning the loss of shared memories, future hopes, and the companionship that you once had.
While nothing can fully take away the pain, there are ways to manage and find moments of peace. Here are some supportive tools and practices that may offer comfort:
It’s important to honor your grief. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up—sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief—and let go of the expectation that you should be "okay" or enjoy the holidays. Grief is a deeply personal process, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate it.
Give yourself permission to say no to events or gatherings that feel too overwhelming. Grieving takes energy, and during the holidays, you may not have enough emotional resources to handle everything. Focus on what truly matters to you, even if that means scaling back on traditions or opting out entirely.
This might be a time to establish new rituals that honor your loss while acknowledging your current reality. Light a candle in remembrance of your loved one, or create a space for quiet reflection. If you're navigating a divorce, consider trying something completely new—perhaps a solo trip or a quiet dinner with close friends. New traditions can create fresh memories, allowing space for both grief and growth.
Lean on those who understand your grief or who are willing to hold space for your feelings. Whether it's a close friend, a grief counselor, or a support group, connecting with others who recognize your pain can offer comfort. You don’t have to go through this season alone, even if it feels isolating.
Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is honor the memory of your loved one. This could be done through small acts, like cooking their favorite dish, sharing stories about them, or visiting a place that holds significance. Similarly, if you’re grieving the loss of a relationship through divorce, allow yourself to reflect on the good moments while also giving yourself space to grieve the life you’ve lost.
Practicing mindfulness, even in small ways, can help ground you during moments of intense grief. Breathing exercises, journaling, creating art, or gentle yoga can help you stay present with your feelings without becoming overwhelmed. Taking care of your physical body—whether through proper rest, nutrition, or gentle movement—can also support your emotional well-being.
Identify the moments that you anticipate will be the hardest. Maybe it’s Christmas morning, New Year’s Eve, or that first family gathering. Planning ahead can make these moments a little easier to bear. Decide if you’d like to be around others or if you’d prefer to spend time alone. If certain traditions feel too painful, allow yourself to skip them or modify them in ways that feel more manageable.
If your grief feels too heavy to carry alone, consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor. Grief, particularly during the holidays, can stir up deep emotions, and professional support can provide the tools to navigate this difficult time with more resilience.
Divorce brings its own kind of grief during the holidays. The traditions you once had as a couple may now feel painful to face alone. If children are involved, there’s often the added challenge of navigating shared custody, which can bring up feelings of loneliness or guilt.
Acknowledge that grieving the loss of a relationship is just as valid as grieving the death of a loved one. Divorce is the death of a future you once envisioned, and it’s okay to mourn that. Creating new traditions, seeking support from friends or family, and giving yourself permission to grieve can all help ease the weight of this loss.
Grieving during the holidays can feel like a heavy burden, but it's important to remember that you are not alone. Whether you’re mourning the death of a loved one or navigating the heartache of divorce, give yourself grace. Allow the pain to surface, but also seek out the moments of comfort, however small. Healing takes time, and the holidays may always carry a shadow of grief, but with time and support, you can find your own way through this season, honoring both your loss and the possibility of hope in the future.
If you are struggling with grief, TN Mental Wellness is here to help and guide you on your path to healing. Contact us today to schedule an appointment. We offer personalized therapy services to support your mental wellness and help you reclaim your life.